Today, I’m going to take you down a dark rabbit hole. Are you ready? I hope so. Have you ever thought of your deepest darkest fantasy? Or, maybe something you want to explore but are to afraid to ask for what you want? Sometimes, I’m sure you think that what you like or want is depraved or even off the wall crazy. Sometimes, you have to step back and do an overview of your wants and needs and then try to slowly introduce them. Have you ever thought of what it might be like to hear your partner say,”yes Master, no Master, or Permission to speak Master?” Or, if you’re a woman you’ve fantasized about being called Mistress. We all have our dark……you’re not alone.
Most of you know the movie 50 Shades of Grey it is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM). The tension between Ana and Christian eventually comes to a head after Ana asks Christian to punish her in order to show her how extreme a BDSM relationship with him could be. Christian fulfills Ana’s request, beating her with a belt, and Ana realizes they are incompatible. Have you ever felt like that? That maybe, just maybe you’re a sadist and you partner may not understand?
Maybe you’re wondering what one is or perhaps if you yourself are one. A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others, sometimes in a sexual sense. … A sadist is the opposite of a masochist, who enjoys being in pain. A sadist is all about hurting others, usually to get off sexually. However, this word is about more than sex. But there is a more pervasive, and more mundane, type of sadism hiding within the recesses of many individuals’ personalities.
Psychologists talk about “the dark triad” in personality, representing a perfect-storm combination of narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism. People high in the dark triad traits callously use people to their own advantage, seeing them as tools to exploit in order to get what they want.
While 50 Shades of Grey has everyone talking about S&M in the mainstream, that’s not the kind of masochism I’m talking about here, folks. Although that’s one definition of masochism, I’m more interested in the one that characterizes a person who is gratified by pain and degradation or finds pleasure in self-denial. Wondering if you or someone around you is holding onto masochistic tendencies?
The number one sign that someone is a masochist is that they are unable to say no. “No” is not selfish or unkind — it’s an act of radical self-care. You’re obsessive about pushing yourself to be “good.” You get off on rescuing people, animals, or the planet. You resist receiving blessings when others try to give them to you. You walk in the room and run straight for a narcissist. You fail to stand up for yourself. You’re addicted to perfectionism. You judge yourself for negative emotions. You’re magnetized to drama. You run the other way if anything feels too yummy.
While I’m not suggesting that we should all turn into overindulgent hedonists, the inability to relax into simple pleasures is an obvious sign of masochism. Do you find yourself bored when life flows with ease? Do you have a story that says that everything good in life comes alongside pain? Well, it’s time to rewrite the story. Allow yourself to experience infinite blessings without undue pain.
Make sure you’re not kicking yourself if some points on this list describe you. Just close your eyes and see yourself wrapped in great arms of love that nourish, comfort, protect, and love you unconditionally. I personally have been through masochism and back…it’s not as bad as you think it is.
Or maybe perhaps you’re a demisexual, which is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual.
BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent upon self-identification and shared experience.
The term “BDSM” is interpreted as a combination of the abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/s (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism). BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers, body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers, rubber fetishists, and others.
Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are often characterized by the participants taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners is essential. The terms “submissive” and “dominant” are often used to distinguish these roles: the dominant partner (“dom”) takes psychological control over the submissive (“sub”). The terms “top” and “bottom” are also used: the top is the instigator of an action while the bottom is the receiver of the action. The two sets of terms are subtly different: for example, someone may choose to act as bottom to another person, for example, by being whipped, purely recreation-ally, without any implication of being psychologically dominated by them, or a submissive may be ordered to massage their dominant partner. Despite the bottom performing the action and the top receiving they have not necessarily switched roles.
The abbreviations “sub” and “dom” are frequently used instead of “submissive” and “dominant”. Sometimes the female-specific terms “mistress”, “domme” or “dominatrix” are used to describe a dominant woman, instead of the gender-neutral term “dom”. Individuals who can change between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles—whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship—are known as switches. Is any of this exciting you or making your mind race to places only seen behind the shadow? Don’t be ashamed of it, it’s part of who you are embrace it and have fun with it.
What does it mean to be sexually dominant or sexually submissive?
What defines Dominance?
- Being in control.
- Prioritizing your desires.
- Expecting obedience or compliance.
- Taking responsibility .
- Carrying a duty to your submissive.
I think the core of most D/s relationships is that the Dominant is mostly in control of things (remembering that submission is given, not taken) and expects their submissive to be pleasing in whatever way works for their relationship. I just love the raw expectation of obedience that compatible D-types have with me.
As a submissive (someone who’s into it for the joy of submission, not just someone who likes being dominated in bed), the primary desire is to please the D-type. That often means elevating their desires above your own in a variety of different ways. For example, a sub generally doesn’t enjoy being punished but that doesn’t mean they resist it. Allowing someone else to control you is a broad statement and could be as minor as obeying orders in the bedroom or as high-level as literally not having opinions until you hear what your D-type wants.
But this question is asking about the specifics of being sexually dominant or submissive in bed, psychologically.
I’m not sure what to add to my previous answer. Sexual dominance is about prioritizing your own desires and exerting control over the situation and your partner. Sexual submission is about allowing yourself to be controlled by your partner. Sexual D/s often involves the Dominant’s pleasure being more important than the submissive’s pleasure, or the submissive’s pleasure being entirely controlled by the Dominant (such as when you’re allowed to pleasure yourself or orgasm). Psychologically, it’s just another type of sexual play.
Has this inspired any of you to come out to yourselves about what you really feel or how you want to feel? I think that sexual liberation is a must. Life, is way too short to be doing the same mundane positions as the normal doggy or missionary.Small things can tell you a LOT about someone’s personality. Certain signs are telling.
Whether it’s a preferred wine or underwear, a zodiac sign or favorite food, there are several pointers to someone’s personality. But NOTHING is more telling than someone’s favorite sex position.Sex is the most intimate act in human existence. It says countless things about you. The kind of lover you are will always reflect the kind of person you are. Hope this has opened your mind to more possibilities in the sheets.