I’d like to take some time out to share with you a few of the lessons that life has taught me so far. For 31 years I have been living a life of adventure, laughter, hurt, love, curiosity and more.
Life. Yep, she’s a bitch. And sometimes life can be a bastard, too. Sometimes life can put it’s foot so far up your ass that the pain is unbearable.
Sometimes life can be as kind as your little niece or nephew, and sometimes as stressful as a rotten relationship. Sometimes life can be neutral, or maybe even better than ever, then an avalanche comes and wipes out everything you’ve worked for.
I learn new lessons about life daily. Some I learn myself, and others I have learned from people in my surroundings. I have thought about those lessons and how they have affected my life. I wanted to share some very important ones with you.
1. Don’t live to please or find a man
Always keep the hobbies you love, the friends you cherish and the dreams you still long for alive because if a man simply wants a puzzle piece, he’s not going to truly love you for how special you really are. Let them get to know you, gradually, but truthfully, and eventually, you will find someone who you adore for who they are (quirks and all), and visa versa. Live for your dreams and the woman you are continually growing and evolving.
2. Nurture and be appreciative of your female friendships.
I believe that us as women are sharers and tend to be open books when it comes to relationships with best friends. This intimacy begets intimacy, and the more two women feel comfortable being themselves with one another, the closer the relationship becomes.
When communication is this easy, there’s no need to censor your thoughts — your friend understands and “gets” you in a way that even your partner doesn’t.
But when a female friendship falls apart, it can be a terrible loss. Intense relationships aren’t easily replaced: it takes time to develop and nurture that sense of intimacy and trust. For us women, friendships are crucial. They keep us sane by allowing us to dissect the minutiae of situations in a way men don’t have time for. Difficult in-laws; troublesome children; social etiquette — there’s nothing that can’t be thrashed out among close female friends.
3. Let go of those who don’t want to be in your life or respect who you really are.
One of the hardest things in life is to let go of the people we love the most.
We hold on to those close to us so tightly, fearing that without them we will be nothing. Fearing that without them the love we feel in our hearts will be forever lost. Our attachment interferes with the love we have for them, taking away from the purity and the beauty that love has to offer.
Letting go doesn’t have to be that hard, in fact, it becomes easier and easier as we learn to accept, appreciate and love ourselves for who we are and for who we are not.
Releasing and letting go will help you return to a place of peace and tranquility.
There comes a time in our lives when we have to do what’s right and to honor not only ourselves, but also the people around us. It’s the relationship that you are letting go of but not the love you have for the other person.
4. Financially, be able to take care of yourself.
It is vitally important that you take care of your own financial security before helping family, friends, and others. If you don’t, you will soon need help yourself and won’t be able to help the people who rely on you.
It is essential that you get your own finances in tip-top shape before you start supporting people outside your nuclear family. (Yourself, your spouse, your children.) So, what can you do? First, just like anyone else embarking on a financial plan, you need to figure out your current situation. Make a list of all your income, debts, monthly payments, and bills. Don’t forget those bills that come less than once a month, like car insurance or vet bills. Look at a month’s worth of income, and make a spending plan. Be sure to include all debt payments and other bills, plus money for things like hair cuts, coffee, and all the other things that eat money.
Once you’ve listed all your expenses on your spending plan, see how that compares with your income. This is always an interesting part. Most people, myself included, discover that either there is no way they can pay all those expenses on that income, or that they are supposed to have a lot of money left over at the end of the month and they have no idea where it has gone.
If you aren’t financially stable yourself, then you are hurting your family and yourself by trying to share your money with them. You need to be debt-free, have appropriate emergency and retirement savings, and the right kind and amount of insurance before you can be trying to help other people. Otherwise, you are participating in a vicious circle where you are the helper now, and you will need help in the future.
5. We can plan, but that doesn’t mean it will go as planned.
I have a very optimistic view of my future right now. I’m very excited to see where it goes, but I try not to make plans just because I know how unpredictable life can be. While we must always plan, we must also be willing to swerve a bit along the way. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. Plan for the impossible and make it possible!
6. Embrace your singleness
“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself,” she said. “And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” – Carrie Bradshaw
7. Know when to hang on to the right man.
While the movies where a bit fairy-taleish, they both demonstrated that as we get older, relationships only become more emotionally involved because we are no longer dating wildly inappropriate people. We do begin to make better decisions, as long as we are conscious about the mistakes we have made in the past. But there will come a time when we find someone who is perfect for us (if indeed that is what we’re looking for), someone who makes life all the more full. Because wherever you are together, it’s home, and that is beautiful.
“It wasn’t about . . . choosing a man or choosing a bag or choosing a life. It was about, choose yourself.” -Michael Patrick King
I have been convinced that self-respect breeds self-confidence breeds the life of our dreams, whether it goes according to plan or not. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Work hard, and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not cliches but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path.
Sometimes you will need to be a bit selfish. And success isn’t the only type of selfish I’m talking about. You’ve got to take care of yourself first before anybody else. If you don’t, then who’s going to be around to take care of you?
Here’s an example. If you’re putting other people’s needs before your own, you won’t get the chance to satisfy your own needs.
If you’re going out of your way to help others, support others, and do EVERYTHING they ask of you, who’s going to take care of you?
If you don’t give yourself time for yourself, your own space, etc, you’re neglecting your needs. Be a little selfish and put yourself first, then you’ll be in a BETTER position to help others. Whether it be mentally, spiritually, or financially.
9. Trust Is Hard To Find.
Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends. – Eminem
Trust is one of the most important traits anybody can have. If you can be trusted, you’re level of respect goes through the roof. But finding and being around people who you can trust 100% is challenging.
Ever heard of the term – sheep in wolves clothing? Here’s another way of putting it. –
“There’s always another story. There’s more than meets the eye.”― W.H. Auden
I’ve met many people who’ve betrayed my trust, or have shown me they can’t be trusted by their actions. Money is a good example.
If you ever get into a lot of money, those around you who you consider to be trusting will show their true colors. Of course, that’s not the case with everybody. But unfortunately, that’s the case with most.
Then you have those who you THINK are your friends, then out of the blue they’ll do something unbelievable. And voila! All the trust you once had vanishes without a trace.
Then you have those who will get into a relationship with you, devote their time and love to you, marry you, yet have the audacity to cheat on you.
And the sad thing is….. There are TOO MANY people out here who have no idea their partner is doing this to them.
Then you have people you may trust in business such as accountants, business partners, etc, who will rip you off and do whatever it takes to walk over you when the opportunity arises.
Out of all the things I could mention, trusting someone close to you with money is the riskiest thing you can do. A lot of people can’t handle money, and even lose their dignity and abandon their vows for money.
Trust is hard to come by, especially when money comes into the picture.
10. Everything Revolves Around Money.
The reason you get up and go to work is because of money. Your career decisions revolve around money. Your long term retirement goals revolve around money. The things you need to start a business revolves around money.
Your relationship with your partner revolves around money. Your success revolves around money (to an extent). Looking good revolves around money. Traveling and going to the places you want revolves around money.
Creating a life by design revolves around money. Moving to a new city or country revolves around money. Having kids, starting your own charity, etc.
The reason you’re still striving for success revolves around money. No matter what it is, you best believe it revolves around money to some extent. And that’s not a bad thing, it’s just the brutal truth. And a reality many of us try to deny.
Denying it will only hold you back though. In more ways than is necessary.
If you think none of what I mentioned doesn’t revolve around money, empty your bank account and see how that turns out for you.
None of us last forever, so lets live life to the fullest and give it everything we’ve got. So you might as well stop bitching, complaining and whining 24/7. To complain is human, but to do it to the point of exhaustion is pointless. You only get so many summers, winters, springs, autumns, birthdays, parties, adventures and stories to tell.
Lets complain less and live more, argue less and smile more. Let’s make our dreams a reality, and do whatever it takes to make this life the best life possible. Because the last thing you’d want is to die with regrets.
Well, those are a handful of the many lessons life has taught me so far. I’d love to hear what lessons you have incorporated into your life.